Divulging……

My life is a thing of beauty. I am constantly amazed at the depths of love for my family, my friends, myself. How is it possible that with so many health problems I can still find bliss? What could I possibly have to smile about when my body delivers such misery daily? Let me show you why my life is extraordinary, even though my body isn’t.

First and foremost is my son! He taught me so much about growing up. Even as an infant he showed me what was important in life. He is the reason I am sane, thoughtful, generous and kind. I am blessed to be his Mom!

Cruising, I have been on 7 cruises through Mexico and the Caribbean. Having seen the beauty of this world reminds me that I am graced to be able such beautiful wonders. Having seen some area’s that don’t have the luxuries we live with gives me  gratitude for things I have.

My sense of humor! I came to work one Halloween dressed as a Saloon Girl. Imagine my horror when I discovered I had to give a briefing to a small room of Majors and Sr Master Sgts dressed like this. Luckily  I had made a wrap to go around my top. So I wore the wrap and a big smile! My enthusiasm for dress up was duly noted by all the gents in the room! This is but one small example of the things I manage to get myself into.

My Creativity. I love quilting, scrapbooking, creating things that others will enjoy. It’s a great way to enjoy the more colorful side of life while making gifts to give to others. I love the fact that I am talented enough to do these things. I also love sharing these talents with my Mom and my sister. Mom and I always enjoy quilting together and my sister always schedules a day to scrapbook when I’m home.

Photography and Photoshop. I love creating things with pictures. Pictures capture a moment in time leaving us with a visual memento  of who we were. I love having the ability to manipulatethose moments and turn them into a treasure that others can enjoy.

Even though my body sometimes limits what I can do. I still have an amazing full life, one in which I can laugh, express, relate and most importantly, love. I try to ensure that those that I care about know exactly how I feel but sometimes I forget or even can’t express my inner emotions for them. But I hope that my treatment of the relationships that are important expresses for me what words sometimes cannot.

Life is Beauty, Love is Poetic,
I am a vision, I am a song,
Feelings bring longing, Can emotions be wrong?

Life is Wonder, Love is dynamic,
I am a miracle, I am a revolution,
Changes bring growth,
Can yearning be transformation?

Life is Awe, Love is Epic,
I am a concept, I am a drama,
Passions bring hunger,
Can infatuation be manna?

Life is Grace, Love is Lyric,
I am a triumph, I am a whimsy,
Conquests bring desire,
Can deeds be peril?

Life is Abstruse, Love is Malady,
I am a captive, I am a plight,
Devotions bring caveats,
Can contrition give flight?

About Thanksgiving……….

So last night I tried the sleeping medication that my doctor prescribed for me. I slept 7 straight hours and I feel rested. So I am soooooo thankful for that! Hopefully, it will continue to get better because I know how it can improve every aspect of my life.
I spent a couple of nights with my friend, Katie, again. She is still sick. It’s been 7 weeks now and the doctor’s don’t really understand why she still so sick. I feel so bad for her because I can’t imagine being sick for so long. Luckily, her husband has been able to return home for a few weeks since she is so ill. Hopefully the doctors will find some answers for her soon. Katie was so sweet and gave me a huge gift basket for helping her out. It wasn’t necessary to thank us because that’s what friends do they help each other out. It is truly appreciated and all of the treats in it are so very yummy! 
In preparing for Thanksgiving tomorrow I made a pumpkin roll. This is a family recipe and it is my favorite pumpkin dessert. I do not like the traditional pumpkin pie, this is a perfect alternative.  It is also very easy to make! So thank you Ma for sharing the recipe it’s one of the reasons I look forward to Thanksgiving!





Pumpkin Roll
3/4 cup Flour
1 tsp Baking Powder
2 tsp Cinnamon
1 tsp Ginger
1/2 tsp Nutmeg
Sprinkle of Salt
3 Eggs
1 cup Sugar
2/3 cup canned Pumpkin
1 tsp Lemon Juice
1/2 cup finely chopped Walnuts
Powdered Sugar
Sift dry ingredients together and set aside. Beat eggs 5 minutes or until very thick, gradually beat in sugar, stir in pumpkin and lemon juice. Fold in dry ingredients. Spread in well greased and floured (I use parchment paper) 15”x10” jelly roll pan or cookie sheet. Sprinkle with nuts. Bake at 375 for 15 minutes. While still hot loosen edges and turn out onto  dish towel well sprinkled with powdered sugar. Starting at the narrow end roll cake and towel together. Cool and then unroll , remove from towel frost with filling and roll back up. Chill. For easier slicing, wrap log in plastic wrap and foil and freeze.
Filling
1 1/2 cup Powdered Sugar
8 oz softened Cream Cheese
4 tbsp softened butter
1 tsp vanilla
Beat until creamy.

Positive Thinking…….

I’m sure that most of you know that Charles Swindoll’s “Attitude” is one of my favorite saying. Well today I read another story that reminds me so much of that and I wanted to share it with my readers. Truthfully everyone can use a little more positivity in our lives. So here is something to think about…….

Two men, both seriously ill, occupied the same hospital room.
One man was allowed to sit up in his bed for an hour each afternoon to help drain the fluid from his lungs. His bed was next to the room's only window. The other man had to spend all his time flat on his back.

The men talked for hours on end.  They spoke of their wives and families, their homes, their jobs, their involvement in the military service, where they had been on vacation..
 
Every afternoon, when the man in the bed by the window could sit up, he would pass the time by describing to his roommate all the things he could see outside the window. The man in the other bed began to live for those one hour periods where his world would be broadened and enlivened by all the activity and color of the
world outside.

The window overlooked a park with a lovely lake. Ducks and swans played on the water while children sailed their model boats.
Young lovers walked arm in arm amidst flowers of every color and a fine view of the city skyline could be seen in the distance.
As the man by the window described all this in exquisite details, the man on the other side of the room would close his eyes and imagine this picturesque scene. One warm afternoon, the man by the window described a parade passing by. Although the other man could not hear the band - he could see it in his mind's eye as the gentleman by the window portrayed it with descriptive
words.
 
Days, weeks and months passed. One morning, the day nurse arrived to bring water for their baths only to find the lifeless body of the man by the window, who had died peacefully in his sleep.
She was saddened and called the hospital attendants to take the body away.

As soon as it seemed appropriate, the other man asked if he could be moved next to the window. The nurse was happy to make the switch, and after making sure he was comfortable, she left him alone. Slowly, painfully, he propped himself up on one elbow to take his first look at the real world outside.  He strained to slowly turn to look out the window besides the bed.

It faced a blank wall.  The man asked the nurse what could have compelled his deceased roommate who had described such wonderful things outside this window.  The nurse responded that the man was blind and could not even see the wall.

She said, 'Perhaps he just wanted to encourage you.'

Epilogue:
There is tremendous happiness in making others happy, despite our own situations. Shared grief is half the sorrow, but happiness when shared, is doubled. If you want to feel rich, just count all the things you have that money can't buy. I thought this was wonderful and many would enjoy it.
'Today is a gift, that is why it is called The Present .'
The origin of this letter is unknown.




Charles Swindoll “Attitude”
The longer I live, the more I realize the impact of attitude on life.
Attitude, to me, is more important than facts. It is more important than the past, than education, than money, than circumstances, than failures, than successes, than what other people think or say or do. It is more important than appearance, giftedness, or skill. It will make or break a company ... a church ... a home.
The remarkable thing is we have a choice every day regarding the attitude we will embrace for that day. We cannot change our past. We cannot change the fact that people will act in a certain way. We cannot change the inevitable.
The only thing we can do is play on the one string we have, and that is our attitude ... I am convinced that life is 10% what happens to me, and 90% how I react to it. And so it is with you ... we are in charge of our Attitudes.

Motivating……..

Yesterday after a doctor’s appointment I stopped by the book store and purchased Liar by Justine Larbalestier. I purchased this particular book for Read This Book a Facebook book club. And by the time I got home I realized that I have one too many irons (or I should say books) in the fire.  I currently belong to another book club with a few friend and we are reading The Shack. I’m just about 3/4 of the way thru.

I am also reading The Blind Side. I learned of Michael Oher thru an ESPN human interest story and I am so excited to finish this book before I see the movie. The maroon colored book on the right is my new diary. But it’s not a typical diary…it’s not meant for recording your thoughts. It was designed to help you remember important dates. So it a perpetual diary in which you can record things like births, deaths, weddings, and other significant events in your life. And last but not least my new Kindle! I am so in love with my Kindle. I am currently 1/2 way thru a book called 29 Gifts.  But in addition to being able to read books you can also subscribe to magazines, surf the web, play mp3 or podcasts, and so on! It’s an amazing little piece of technology.
Now instead of reading or playing on the computer I should be cleaning. They are coming to pack up our house in about 3-4 weeks and I need to attack some closets!!  It’s amazing how much stuff you can accumulate in no time. I did a big purge while we were in Oklahoma, which was just 2 years ago. But now, once again, I seem to have too much stuff.  It also still very sad that my fuzzy baby, Ginger, won’t be returning with me. I do have her ashes and plan to scatter them somewhere in Oklahoma. After all, she is just a good ol’ fashioned Okie having been born in Shawnee. Man, I miss her!
I know I need to find that excitement about moving. I’ve never dreaded moving, I’ve always been up for the adventure. But this move just seems to be such a challenge for me. I think a lot of it is this constant dreary rain that we are having and part of it is that I’m not really moving…..I am just going to be floating for the year. So I really need to find my gypsy spirit and get things done around here so I can travel worry free next year. I need to remind myself what excites me about the whole trip and start focusing on that. And I need to go attacks those closets!!!

Wondering………

So today I went to the neurologist, she is increasing a couple of my meds because of the increase in my pain recently. I had finally made peace with the fact that I would ask for some sleeping medication so I wouldn’t spend most of the night laying away in bed and rocking back and forth. She thought that it would be more prudent to increase my dosage of melatonin to see if that increases the quality and duration of my sleep. We have also increased my antidepressant and my muscle relaxer. The hope is that if we can get my body back into a better state of being then it will also benefit my sleep as well. So I am willing to try it!! We shall see how it goes.
As of right now, my back and my ear are still currently in pain and now my neck decided it would join the party as well. Sooooooo just another ache to add along with all the rest.
If it weren’t for some of new friends I’ve recently  had the pleasure of meeting I could easily find myself getting cynical or even disillusioned.  Luckily, I am blessed with a plethora of good friends that are willing to be my strength when I need them.  I’ve found myself hurt by callus, misguided people and considering my current state of mind it could be really bruising for me. However, I am going to take the next couple of days and give myself permission to do whatever I choose. I will have 3 PJ days in a row, spend all day watching Lifetime Movie Network,  reading books, playing on the internet, taking long baths, just generally refocusing my energy on finding my center, my peace and my happiness again. I know that I am currently lumping everything together and I need to remind myself again of all the things that I love about life.  I am very loved and very blessed and will move forward out of this current pain ravaged, hurt filled funk that I am currently in.  I know that I can find the sunshine in this bleak, dark moment.  If I can’t, could a few of you send me a flashlight?? :)

Battling Depression

Depression can be a wicked cruel master. It can be a fleeting moment in time or it can stick with you for a lifetime. I didn't truly become acquainted with it until the past 5 years or so of my life. Having my body betray me has shown me a much darker side of life that I never really knew existed. But I have learned much about my companion, Depression. I have learned that the nerve damage in both of my ears makes me a prime candidate for his ill gotten gains. Having multiple system issues within my body also wears me down and gives that bugger an edge on me that is not at all fair. I know that staying busy and active can keep him at bay for a little while, but only for a short while. I have learned that Depression brings physical change in ones chemical composition. I have learned that simply putting a smile on my face does not change those chemicals. It’s more complicated and affects more areas of my life that I would ever care to admit.  The symptoms of depression are more widespread than I ever imagined. He’s a crooked little man just waiting to slide into every nook and cranny you have.

I, however, will continue to fight his advances. I will retaliate with every ounce of being that I have. How can I sit idly by and let this creature get the best of me? I refuse to lose my resolve while under his spell, even though whiles of his evils has already seduced me. For those that have never met depression, there is nothing I can explain to make you understand his wickedness. For my friends that are intimately acquainted with him please know that I am in your corner battling along with you.

Don’t get me wrong, I don’t live my life in a miserable state of mind. I am not sitting and waiting for doom and gloom to come lay their gnarly little hands on me. I go on dates with my adoring husband, create things so that this lil devil may not have access to my hands, read in order to occupy my brain from the dreary thoughts that he likes to weave into my day. Most importantly, I try to heal myself through the power of others, with their love for me, with my ability to make them smile, with hopes that I can touch them and bring a moment of peace into their lives.  And there are those in my life that do the same for me.


Brendon. Even though I gave birth to him, he has taught me so much about my own life. Taught me how to love fully and completely.  He showed me the world through new eyes, the big beautiful brown eyes of a child amazed by his world, eyes that were never afraid to seek their own path.

Tammy. My sister who calls daily to check in on her lil sis. She asks that overused question, “How are you?” But she genuinely wants to know the answer. She would be willing to feel my pains with me if it were possible. Actually, I think she did when she helped the nurse remove my bandages after brain surgery.

Robyn. My soul sister, to whom I will be eternally bound. The ups and downs of my life are experienced in parallel to your own ups and downs. You completely understand me and there are no words that can convey what I am trying to say. Thankfully, I don’t need words with you because you know.

Adrienne. The longest, deepest, most devoted friendship I’ve had.  You have this amazing way of lifting me. For me you embody the saying “Friends are angels that lift us to our feet when our wings have trouble remembering how to fly.” You’ve always had that ability to give me just what I need, just when I need it. Never stop being you.

Terry. My beacon of hope and light. You always have just the right words for me when I seem to be floundering. There is not a doubt in my mind that God speaks to me thru you. Even when you may not even know that I’m floundering that’s when you’ll call, write or a box will show itself at my door. You always remind me of my blessings.

Mary. Your zest for life and excitement for having me as your extended “Momma” reminds me that life is to be lived out LOUD! Sing to the music, dance to the beat, embrace the beauty of all that is around you. Just the thought of you brings a smile to my face.

Pixie. Oh, I’ve missed you. You share my angst and I see myself from years ago in you. You have this amazing spirit that leads to me to seek the creative side of life. You always manage to remind me that even a wandering spirit needs it’s center and you help me find that center.

Katie. My happy, cheerful, smiling, perky friend. You remind my soul that it should never give up. That any summit can be reached by continuing to climb and staying true to one’s spirit. You’ve taught me so much about helping myself when giving to help others.

There are so many others who have touched my life in so many ways. Some friends from my past have come back around to bless me again. Kimberly for reminding me that Faith is the greatest asset one can possess. Teresa who shows me continually that love can conquer all things.
 

So the moral of this story is that we should do all that we can do to treat each other with love and kindness because you never know when you’re leaving an imprint on someone’s heart.

Battling Depression

Depression can be a wicked cruel master. It can be a fleeting moment in time or it can stick with you for a lifetime. I didn't truly become acquainted with it until the past 5 years or so of my life. Having my body betray me has shown me a much darker side of life that I never really knew existed. But I have learned much about my companion, Depression. I have learned that the nerve damage in both of my ears makes me a prime candidate for his ill gotten gains. Having multiple system issues within my body also wears me down and gives that bugger an edge on me that is not at all fair. I know that staying busy and active can keep him at bay for a little while, but only for a short while. I have learned that Depression brings physical change in ones chemical composition. I have learned that simply putting a smile on my face does not change those chemicals. It’s more complicated and affects more areas of my life that I would ever care to admit.  The symptoms of depression are more widespread than I ever imagined. He’s a crooked little man just waiting to slide into every nook and cranny you have.

I, however, will continue to fight his advances. I will retaliate with every ounce of being that I have. How can I sit idly by and let this creature get the best of me? I refuse to lose my resolve while under his spell, even though whiles of his evils has already seduced me. For those that have never met depression, there is nothing I can explain to make you understand his wickedness. For my friends that are intimately acquainted with him please know that I am in your corner battling along with you.

Don’t get me wrong, I don’t live my life in a miserable state of mind. I am not sitting and waiting for doom and gloom to come lay their gnarly little hands on me. I go on dates with my adoring husband, create things so that this lil devil may not have access to my hands, read in order to occupy my brain from the dreary thoughts that he likes to weave into my day. Most importantly, I try to heal myself through the power of others, with their love for me, with my ability to make them smile, with hopes that I can touch them and bring a moment of peace into their lives.  And there are those in my life that do the same for me.


Brendon. Even though I gave birth to him, he has taught me so much about my own life. Taught me how to love fully and completely.  He showed me the world through new eyes, the big beautiful brown eyes of a child amazed by his world, eyes that were never afraid to seek their own path.

Tammy. My sister who calls daily to check in on her lil sis. She asks that overused question, “How are you?” But she genuinely wants to know the answer. She would be willing to feel my pains with me if it were possible. Actually, I think she did when she helped the nurse remove my bandages after brain surgery.

Robyn. My soul sister, to whom I will be eternally bound. The ups and downs of my life are experienced in parallel to your own ups and downs. You completely understand me and there are no words that can convey what I am trying to say. Thankfully, I don’t need words with you because you know.

Adrienne. The longest, deepest, most devoted friendship I’ve had.  You have this amazing way of lifting me. For me you embody the saying “Friends are angels that lift us to our feet when our wings have trouble remembering how to fly.” You’ve always had that ability to give me just what I need, just when I need it. Never stop being you.

Terry. My beacon of hope and light. You always have just the right words for me when I seem to be floundering. There is not a doubt in my mind that God speaks to me thru you. Even when you may not even know that I’m floundering that’s when you’ll call, write or a box will show itself at my door. You always remind me of my blessings.

Mary. Your zest for life and excitement for having me as your extended “Momma” reminds me that life is to be lived out LOUD! Sing to the music, dance to the beat, embrace the beauty of all that is around you. Just the thought of you brings a smile to my face.

Pixie. Oh, I’ve missed you. You share my angst and I see myself from years ago in you. You have this amazing spirit that leads to me to seek the creative side of life. You always manage to remind me that even a wandering spirit needs it’s center and you help me find that center.

Katie. My happy, cheerful, smiling, perky friend. You remind my soul that it should never give up. That any summit can be reached by continuing to climb and staying true to one’s spirit. You’ve taught me so much about helping myself when giving to help others.

There are so many others who have touched my life in so many ways. Some friends from my past have come back around to bless me again. Kimberly for reminding me that Faith is the greatest asset one can possess. Teresa who shows me continually that love can conquer all things.
 

So the moral of this story is that we should do all that we can do to treat each other with love and kindness because you never know when you’re leaving an imprint on someone’s heart.

Crying for Ginger

The weather today matches my disposition. It's grey, dreary, and wet. I usually am not a fan of such weather but today I am finding comfort in the gloominess and sogginess. It's feels like I am not alone that God and the world is sharing my misery with me.



I spent this morning running errands like going to the bank, picking up contacts, taking my laptop into the shop, etc. My laptop's motherboard has died. Therefore, it's time to buy a new one. UGH! But at least they were able to turn my hard drive into an external drive so I am easily able to recover and information saved on there.



I was pleasantly surprised that this was only $30.00 for the hard drive case and they installed it for free. Considering I am going to be spending some cash on a new computer I was grateful that this didn't cost much at all.

This afternoon we are going to pick up Ginger's ashes. I can't bear the thought of leaving her in Washington. She's a good old fashioned Okie and deserves to go back home. We also found out that our vets office made a donation to the local humane society in Ginger's honor. I was so touched that they had done that for us and for her. It was nice to know that they were also touched by our sweet Ginger's kind spirit and welcoming heart. I decided that we needed to do something to thank them since Ginger received excellent care from them. So I purchased a basket of Seattle goodies, a thank you card and included a photo of Ginger.



It's still so hard to believe she's gone. We still expect to here the jingle of her tags when we come home or to hear that snort when she sighs. But she's no longer physically here with us. But she will always be in our hearts and she will always be part of us. We were truly blessed to have known her. Ask anyone that's ever met her and they will tell you what a sweet, loving dog she was. Even though losing her has been so difficult, I am so glad that she has been a part of our lives. She was always there for me when I was having a rough day. She's always had a smile for me when I was down about my health not being what it should be. She knew just when to come over to me to say hello. She taught me alot about unconditional love, just being a happy presence when someone needs a little lift. Thank you Ginger for every wet sloppy kiss, the wag of that fluffy tail, that paw that would try to grip onto to you as if to say "don't let me go", those dark brown eyes that expected nothing more than a pat on the head. Thank you for sharing your heart with us it's been one of the sweetest things I've ever known. As I am writing this the sun is peeking through the clouds and I know she can still feel the love we have for her.

Back to Washington

Friday night we drove back to Denver in order to catch an early flight back to Seattle. We were traveling at the right time and had an amazing sunset to keep us company.

I must have stopped half a dozen times to take pictures.  But as you can see it was well worth it.
 
The colors in the sky were absolutely breathtaking and photos don’t nearly do it justice. It was really nice to be reminded of the beauty that God created!

The crystal blue skies, the snow capped mountains, the cloud tinted pink….it made for an incredible drive!

I am so glad I was able to go to Colorado to visit Lucille and enjoy this amazing scenery. Not to mention spending time with her. I so adore her. She’s one of the kindest souls I have ever had the pleasure of meeting.

This truly is one of the most beautiful spots in the United States. I am grateful to be able to go spend time here.

Then on the flight home after giving myself a shot for a migraine, I was reminded that where I currently live isn’t such a bad looking place either. Now, don’t get me wrong…I still find it waaaaayy to liberal for my personal preference but it has it’s pretty spots too.

Mount Ranier as seen from my seat on the plane. Not a bad picture for being shot through a plane window.
     
Downtown Seattle. This picture is a bit hazy but still I can’t complain because it was taken from the plane.

I love, love, love how this photo came out with Mt. Ranier in the background. It’s good to be home but sad because my fuzzy child wasn’t here waiting for us. But it was great to get out and clear my head.