Thursday, November 5, 2009

Battling Depression

Depression can be a wicked cruel master. It can be a fleeting moment in time or it can stick with you for a lifetime. I didn't truly become acquainted with it until the past 5 years or so of my life. Having my body betray me has shown me a much darker side of life that I never really knew existed. But I have learned much about my companion, Depression. I have learned that the nerve damage in both of my ears makes me a prime candidate for his ill gotten gains. Having multiple system issues within my body also wears me down and gives that bugger an edge on me that is not at all fair. I know that staying busy and active can keep him at bay for a little while, but only for a short while. I have learned that Depression brings physical change in ones chemical composition. I have learned that simply putting a smile on my face does not change those chemicals. It’s more complicated and affects more areas of my life that I would ever care to admit.  The symptoms of depression are more widespread than I ever imagined. He’s a crooked little man just waiting to slide into every nook and cranny you have.

I, however, will continue to fight his advances. I will retaliate with every ounce of being that I have. How can I sit idly by and let this creature get the best of me? I refuse to lose my resolve while under his spell, even though whiles of his evils has already seduced me. For those that have never met depression, there is nothing I can explain to make you understand his wickedness. For my friends that are intimately acquainted with him please know that I am in your corner battling along with you.

Don’t get me wrong, I don’t live my life in a miserable state of mind. I am not sitting and waiting for doom and gloom to come lay their gnarly little hands on me. I go on dates with my adoring husband, create things so that this lil devil may not have access to my hands, read in order to occupy my brain from the dreary thoughts that he likes to weave into my day. Most importantly, I try to heal myself through the power of others, with their love for me, with my ability to make them smile, with hopes that I can touch them and bring a moment of peace into their lives.  And there are those in my life that do the same for me.

Brendon. Even though I gave birth to him, he has taught me so much about my own life. Taught me how to love fully and completely.  He showed me the world through new eyes, the big beautiful brown eyes of a child amazed by his world, eyes that were never afraid to seek their own path.

Tammy. My sister who calls daily to check in on her lil sis. She asks that overused question, “How are you?” But she genuinely wants to know the answer. She would be willing to feel my pains with me if it were possible. Actually, I think she did when she helped the nurse remove my bandages after brain surgery.

Robyn. My soul sister, to whom I will be eternally bound. The ups and downs of my life are experienced in parallel to your own ups and downs. You completely understand me and there are no words that can convey what I am trying to say. Thankfully, I don’t need words with you because you know.

Adrienne. The longest, deepest, most devoted friendship I’ve had.  You have this amazing way of lifting me. For me you embody the saying “Friends are angels that lift us to our feet when our wings have trouble remembering how to fly.” You’ve always had that ability to give me just what I need, just when I need it. Never stop being you.

Terry. My beacon of hope and light. You always have just the right words for me when I seem to be floundering. There is not a doubt in my mind that God speaks to me thru you. Even when you may not even know that I’m floundering that’s when you’ll call, write or a box will show itself at my door. You always remind me of my blessings.

Mary. Your zest for life and excitement for having me as your extended “Momma” reminds me that life is to be lived out LOUD! Sing to the music, dance to the beat, embrace the beauty of all that is around you. Just the thought of you brings a smile to my face.

Pixie. Oh, I’ve missed you. You share my angst and I see myself from years ago in you. You have this amazing spirit that leads to me to seek the creative side of life. You always manage to remind me that even a wandering spirit needs it’s center and you help me find that center.

Katie. My happy, cheerful, smiling, perky friend. You remind my soul that it should never give up. That any summit can be reached by continuing to climb and staying true to one’s spirit. You’ve taught me so much about helping myself when giving to help others.

There are so many others who have touched my life in so many ways. Some friends from my past have come back around to bless me again. Kimberly for reminding me that Faith is the greatest asset one can possess. Teresa who shows me continually that love can conquer all things.

So the moral of this story is that we should do all that we can do to treat each other with love and kindness because you never know when you’re leaving an imprint on someone’s heart.