Tuesday, December 29, 2009

Leaving home again……..

So I had a great trip to OKC and really enjoyed spending time with my family and in old hang outs. 102_3496_2My and my Brendon!!!!!!!
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My and my Wicked Kid Mary!!! Next stop for us….LADY GAGA!!!!!
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Brendon about to get hit by Erik and he doesn’t even care.
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Who can identify these two hoodlums?

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My KIDS!!!!!!
Bottom Row: Erik, Brendon and Heather
Top Row: Me Mary and Shaci

I had such a great trip to Oklahoma and I’m looking forward to coming back and spending time with each of my kids!

Monday, December 28, 2009

Enjoying home………..

Merry Christmas (well, Merry Monday after Christmas) and Happy New Year.  We have been enjoying time with my family and time in Oklahoma City even though it was blanketed with 14.1 inches of snow just prior to our arrival.
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The amazing beauty of Colorado as we were driving to Oklahoma.
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The Cross at Groom, Texas just outside of Amarillo.102_3411 
A beautiful cloudy Texas evening sun!
After one terrible night in lodging on base we opted to stay in Residence Inn since it’s such a great hotel.
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My youngest niece Kaitlyn, with “Sprout” Brookelynn (Brittany’s baby) on her lap, my sister Tammy, my oldest niece Brittany, me and my Mom.
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Sprout helping Brendon play DJ Hero!!
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Kaitlyn reading Sprout’s book to her while she hangs on to her new Teddy.

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The snow outside the door of our hotel.  It’s at least 18'” deep!! We don’t normally see this much snow in Oklahoma City so navigating around the city has been quite a chore!!
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They dozed the snow off of our hotel parking lot so there were clear spaces to park and drive but they left HUGE mounds of snow!

Saturday, December 26, 2009

Bowling for Soup………..

December 19th Brendon and Mary, his friend, went to see a group called Bowling for Soup.  If you listen to any pop music you would know them best from the song 1985.  I have come to know and love this group even more than just that song because of Brendon and his friends.  They are a quirky fun group that believes in having fun, telling it like it is, and entertaining people.  This particular concert was at a small venue in Oklahoma City and the kids got their tickets signed by the band. I am insanely jealous that I was not able to attend this concert with the kids. BUMMER!! They even had a chance to have pictures taken with the band!
BFS Erik Mary, Erik and Brendon
BFS gary
Mary, Gary and Brendon
BFS Chris
Mary, Chris and Brendon
BFS Jaret
Mary, Jaret and Brendon
Now my favorite Bowling for Soup memory is four years ago at Brendon’s 16th birthday.  Bowling for Soup was having a concert at Frontier City’s Amphitheater.  So I took Brendon and his friends, all girls, to see the concert.  As they sang 1985 it dawned on me that 20 years prior, it was 1985, I was turning 16 and I was working for that theme park.  I just found it ironic that 20 years later I would find myself back at that same theme park listening to a group sing about the time when I was working there. I am so glad they had a great time!

Tuesday, December 22, 2009

Enjoying……….

Christmas is fast approaching and as I look outside there is snow on 102_3376the ground and sun in the sky.   It’s a beautiful time to be in Colorado.  I love how the sun bounces off the snow making everything brighter.  It a great reminder that anything can be conquered when you have the right outlook.  As for me and my next conquest, I try not to think about how soon he will be taking his leave of me.  I am just enjoying every second I can with him.  I haven’t even begun counting down the days because in truth I don’t want to know.  Right now I am enjoying the simplicity of Salida.    102_3372It’s a quiet sleepy little town without much to do.  I finished my Christmas shopping.  Plus we got to eat at Texas Road House! OMG! YUM!! I have so forgotten what it was like to eat at a real restaurant! Three days before Christmas and I’ve spent the morning on the phone with my kiddo (I miss you Brendon), researching my astrological chart, fixing Ma’s cord for her drapery rod, and putting together a new grill/smoker for smoked Turkey on Christmas day! I am blessed!

Wednesday, December 16, 2009

Day 3 Traveling……..

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Today was the third and final day on the road, well, for at least a few days. It was a short drive of about four hours from Grand Junction to Salida, Colorado.  But it was so pleasant to see that the sun was out! Even if it was bitterly cold.  The scenery is so amazing that it makes up for the cold, e102_3337specially since I was all snuggled up in my blanket in the car.  It is great to be with Ma.  She is such an amazing woman and I do adore her.  102_3362  I don’t know that I would ever want to live here on a permanent basis but a few days of peace and quiet is always welcome in my books.  I am glad that I won’t be getting back into the car for a few days and I am glad that our trip went easily and safely.  Thank you to all my friends and family for our well wishes while we were on  the road!

Tuesday, December 15, 2009

Traveling……….

102_3330Today the road lies ahead of us long and cold.  The snow covers the landscape and the car covers the miles.  I enjoy remebering the  travels I have had with Ginger. It’s bittersweet as we stay in the same hotels I have previously stayed in with her. For the ten plus years I have been together she always traveled with me and I miss her.  I would love to be able to tell you that today w102_3332as as inspirational as yesterday was.  The truth is that I found myself with a major migraine and giving myself in the car as we passed through Utah.  I slept most of the day  off and on.  I’m afraid that I wasn’t much of a companion.  Watching the snow go by my window as I traveled through Idaho, Utah and Colorado has made me grateful for the fact that I brought my Korean mink blanket with me in the car. 102_3335 I have stayed cozy and warm while the cold flies by my window.  I have been posting updates on both Facebook and Twitter throughout our journey.  The amount of warmth I have received back has been tremendous.  I have loved everyone’s support of our safety and well wishes for our journey.  The journey from Washington feels much more heartwarming than the journey to Washington.  It’s good to be coming home. Wherever home is.


Monday, December 14, 2009

Leaving………..

I wake this morning to find the world frosty and crystal covered which is great for Christmas morning when you have nothing more to do than to open presents.   However, since I am traveling I do not find this appealing.  The hope is that I can traverse the mountain passes with little or no difficulties.  I do find the crunch under my feet quite a fitting way to leave Washington. I find that the dreariness of the weather here dampens my soul. I’ve seen the beauty of the area, the blue of the water, the colors of the leaves in fall, 102_3293the majesty of Mount Ranier.  Those things I will miss.   Yet, there is not enough here to make me whole. I’ve missed a friendly “Hi” in passing, a large glass of sweet tea, the whole hearted embrace of our American Military. I grew up in a place where we were all allowed to have our own opinion and we are respected for having one even if we don’t agree with it.  I grew up understanding that our military men were to be respected and admired for their duty to country.  It was not uncommon for a stranger to thank the man in uniform as he was pumping gas in his car or any other mundane task.  I miss a community that celebrates the returning home of our military
So today, as we set out on this journey I find a smile in my spirit and a tug at my heart.  There is an adventure waiting and I am not sure where it will lead me. The uncertainty of life has become very real for me and I no longer know what mu future will hold. The travel is easy and the sun is out as we cross from Washington into 
102_3324Oregon.  The drive to Portland is easy and enjoyable. The Columbia River our constant companion as we  pass Portland and head east through Oregon.  The scenery through Oregon is beautiful and it reminds me how lucky I am to live in such an amazing country. The snow covered ground really brings home the fact that old man 
102_3321winter as set in for the long haul here in the northwest. I was hoping for a spectacular sunset on our drive through the ups and downs of Oregon but the clouds laying heavy and foreboding has kept the colors our of grasp.  We did manage to catch a tiny glimpse of pink as the day turned to night.  This drive has been miraculous and amazing and I lucky to experience it.

Thursday, December 10, 2009

Almost leaving……..

I know that it’s cold most places around the country right now.  But the cold here just seems miserable.  Wait, maybe it’s everything about here that’s miserable.  102_3287 The movers have boxed all of the things and have taken the boxes. I have to wonder how many things are in those boxes that I will end up wishing I hadn’t packed?!!?! Oh, well! I am sure I can either live without it or buy a new one.  It’s odd to think about the fact that I am not going to see my things again for at least 10 months.  When you stop and look at this differently, I will be homeless effective tomorrow.  Now, I have made a lot of moves in my life and I am by no means about to slow down now; but, this is the first time I have every been homeless. I will be living out of a suitcase, floating from place to place.I have come to realize in the past few days that I really and truly have not been happy here.  I have been really miserable and I miss the me that isn’t miserable.  I am quirky, perky, and love to have fun.  I have really missed that part of me. So I decided that I would just leave the sad, depressed version of me up here. I am certain run into the old me along the way and I’ll pick her up! She’s much more fun.  So I decided to help find the old me by attending a Lady Gaga concert with my Mary (a friend of my son’s who has become like a daughter to me). This will give me something amazing and exciting to look forward to  instead of focusing on the fact that my life has just been turned upside down. I know I have a lot of friends that would love to be in my position to be able to travel for a year and just go do whatever their heart desires.  So for all of my friends that can’t go I promise I will go and live it up for you.  I will then share all my details here in the blog so you may live vicariously through me.  There are so many of you that I am planning on coming to visit next year.  I will tell you that you better get your dancing shoes on because I am ready to party!!!!
It’s time to stop focusing on being sick.  I know that what I have won’t kill me and I’ve been living with the symptoms for years now.  So what if I have to do things differently than other people. For instance, I got four hours of sleep last night, even though I am taking a sleeping pill. Obviously, the nerves in my body just don’t want me to have a normal sleeping pattern.  This symptom started when I was about 15  so I’ve lived about 25 years with it.  I will sleep when my body allows.  So if I come visit you and need a nap at 2 in the afternoon, you’ll just have to understand.  There are occasions when my body won’t let me sleep at all. Eh, such is life. FYB
So get ready for my visit because we are going to have a great time. In the meantime, I have a mammogram to get to. Both my Mom and my Aunt Sue are breast cancer survivors, so mammograms and self breast exams are something I pay due diligence to.  As should every other woman I know.  Early detection helped save their lives and their breasts! 

Monday, December 7, 2009

Packing……..

Tonight the last night in the duplex together.  It’s bittersweet. I have no idea how to pack for a year on the road.  I don’t know what I am going to need I don't know completely where I will be and when I will be there
102_3279.So instead of stressing about I just figured that if I didn’t pack something I needed I will just buy a new one. After all that’s how I got it in the first place. I know I am packing the really important things like my sewing machine, my cricut and, of course, my pens!!! These are just my really important ones.  I know it’s odd to be so attached to PENS! But I love writing snail mail, cards and journaling. 
Let’s not forget my medications. They almost need their own zip code. 102_3281Such is life when you have a chronic illness. This is what I live with every day. Medication, Symptoms, Pain, Nerves, blah, blah, blah.  I’ve always been very open about being sick but seeing that picture on my blog is really making me realize that I am not doing as well as I hoped to be. Especially since I had to wait for my nerves to settle down just so I could quit shaking enough to take the picture. Hhhhhmmmpffff. This is certainly going to put a bulge in my suitcase when traveling next year. But it is simply what I must do in order to stay healthy.  However, I will not let this stop me from traveling!!
Plus, I must also have all my gadgets with me. My camera, my laptop, my kindle, my terabyte of external storage, my cell phone, my mp3 and so on. I admit it, I am a tech junkie.  I love being connected to everyone all the time.  However, I can manage to sit through a movie with out them….although, last night I went to see Armored and I considered playing Tetris on my phone.  That movie was sloooooooow.  There’s so many fun things to play with, such as Facebook, Twitter, text messages and so on.  

Tuesday, December 1, 2009

Receiving

Yesterday, Christmas came early at my house. I received a book that I have anxiously been awaiting. It was sent to me from the author himself from Ireland and was signed! I feel like a kid in a candy store!!!! It’s the first book I’ve ever had signed directly to me! I am so terribly excited.  I should be getting the house ready for the movers but instead………………………..TIAH



My brain is working overtime these days. I suppose it’s all the changes that I am going thru. So poetry is just something that’s happening right now.  It gets stuck in my head…..so I just write to give it a voice and get rid of it.



In another life,
In another time,
If life could be different,
If I could be the same.
In a body that’s healthy,
In a mind that’s not sick,
If life was a fairy tale,
If I were a princess.
In bright, bold colors,
In red, green and yellow,
If life were a painting,
If I were a vision.
In a simple story,
In pages of a book,
If life was easy,
If I was free.

Sunday, November 29, 2009

Divulging……

My life is a thing of beauty. I am constantly amazed at the depths of love for my family, my friends, myself. How is it possible that with so many health problems I can still find bliss? What could I possibly have to smile about when my body delivers such misery daily? Let me show you why my life is extraordinary, even though my body isn’t.
Brendon B-Bergman028
First and foremost is my son! He taught me so much about growing up. Even as an infant he showed me what was important in life. He is the reason I am sane, thoughtful, generous and kind. I am blessed to be his Mom!
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Cruising, I have been on 7 cruises through Mexico and the Caribbean. Having seen the beauty of this world reminds me that I am graced to be able such beautiful wonders. Having seen some area’s that don’t have the luxuries we live with gives me  gratitude for things I have.
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My sense of humor! I came to work one Halloween dressed as a Saloon Girl. Imagine my horror when I discovered I had to give a briefing to a small room of Majors and Sr Master Sgts dressed like this. Luckily  I had made a wrap to go around my top. So I wore the wrap and a big smile! My enthusiasm for dress up was duly noted by all the gents in the room! This is but one small example of the things I manage to get myself into.
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My Creativity. I love quilting, scrapbooking, creating things that others will enjoy. It’s a great way to enjoy the more colorful side of life while making gifts to give to others. I love the fact that I am talented enough to do these things. I also love sharing these talents with my Mom and my sister. Mom and I always enjoy quilting together and my sister always schedules a day to scrapbook when I’m home.

Photography and Photoshop. I love creating things with pictures. Pictures capture a moment in time leaving us with a visual memento  of who we were. I love having the ability to manipulatethose moments and turn them into a treasure that others can enjoy.
Even though my body sometimes limits what I can do. I still have an amazing full life, one in which I can laugh, express, relate and most importantly, love. I try to ensure that those that I care about know exactly how I feel but sometimes I forget or even can’t express my inner emotions for them. But I hope that my treatment of the relationships that are important expresses for me what words sometimes cannot.
Life is Beauty, Love is Poetic,
I am a vision, I am a song,
Feelings bring longing,
Can emotions be wrong?
Life is Wonder, Love is dynamic,
I am a miracle, I am a revolution,
Changes bring growth,
Can yearning be transformation?
Life is Awe, Love is Epic,
I am a concept, I am a drama,
Passions bring hunger,
Can infatuation be manna?
Life is Grace, Love is Lyric,
I am a triumph, I am a whimsy,
Conquests bring desire,
Can deeds be peril?
Life is Abstruse, Love is Malady,
I am a captive, I am a plight,
Devotions bring caveats,
Can contrition give flight?

Wednesday, November 25, 2009

About Thanksgiving……….

So last night I tried the sleeping medication that my doctor prescribed for me. I slept 7 straight hours and I feel rested. So I am soooooo thankful for that! Hopefully, it will continue to get better because I know how it can improve every aspect of my life.
I spent a couple of nights with my friend, Katie, again. She is still sick. It’s been 7 weeks now and the doctor’s don’t really understand why she still so sick. I feel so bad for her because I can’t imagine being sick for so long. Luckily, her husband has been able to return home for a few weeks since she is so ill. 102_3235Hopefully the doctors will find some answers for her soon. Katie was so sweet and gave me a huge gift basket for helping her out. It wasn’t necessary to thank us because that’s what friends do they help each other out. It is truly appreciated and all of the treats in it are so very yummy! 
In preparing for Thanksgiving tomorrow I made a pumpkin roll. 102_3240This is a family recipe and it is my favorite pumpkin dessert. I do not like the traditional pumpkin pie, this is a perfect alternative.  It is also very easy to make! So thank you Ma for sharing the recipe it’s one of the reasons I look forward to Thanksgiving!





Pumpkin Roll
3/4 cup Flour
1 tsp Baking Powder
2 tsp Cinnamon
1 tsp Ginger
1/2 tsp Nutmeg
Sprinkle of Salt
3 Eggs
1 cup Sugar
2/3 cup canned Pumpkin
1 tsp Lemon Juice
1/2 cup finely chopped Walnuts
Powdered Sugar
Sift dry ingredients together and set aside. Beat eggs 5 minutes or until very thick, gradually beat in sugar, stir in pumpkin and lemon juice. Fold in dry ingredients. Spread in well greased and floured (I use parchment paper) 15”x10” jelly roll pan or cookie sheet. Sprinkle with nuts. Bake at 375 for 15 minutes. While still hot loosen edges and turn out onto  dish towel well sprinkled with powdered sugar. Starting at the narrow end roll cake and towel together. Cool and then unroll , remove from towel frost with filling and roll back up. Chill. For easier slicing, wrap log in plastic wrap and foil and freeze.
Filling
1 1/2 cup Powdered Sugar
8 oz softened Cream Cheese
4 tbsp softened butter
1 tsp vanilla
Beat until creamy.

Tuesday, November 17, 2009

Positive Thinking…….

I’m sure that most of you know that Charles Swindoll’s “Attitude” is one of my favorite saying. Well today I read another story that reminds me so much of that and I wanted to share it with my readers. Truthfully everyone can use a little more positivity in our lives. So here is something to think about…….

Two men, both seriously ill, occupied the same hospital room.
One man was allowed to sit up in his bed for an hour each afternoon to help drain the fluid from his lungs. His bed was next to the room's only window. The other man had to spend all his time flat on his back.

The men talked for hours on end.  They spoke of their wives and families, their homes, their jobs, their involvement in the military service, where they had been on vacation..
 
Every afternoon, when the man in the bed by the window could sit up, he would pass the time by describing to his roommate all the things he could see outside the window. The man in the other bed began to live for those one hour periods where his world would be broadened and enlivened by all the activity and color of the
world outside.

The window overlooked a park with a lovely lake. Ducks and swans played on the water while children sailed their model boats.
Young lovers walked arm in arm amidst flowers of every color and a fine view of the city skyline could be seen in the distance.
As the man by the window described all this in exquisite details, the man on the other side of the room would close his eyes and imagine this picturesque scene. One warm afternoon, the man by the window described a parade passing by. Although the other man could not hear the band - he could see it in his mind's eye as the gentleman by the window portrayed it with descriptive
words.
 
Days, weeks and months passed. One morning, the day nurse arrived to bring water for their baths only to find the lifeless body of the man by the window, who had died peacefully in his sleep.
She was saddened and called the hospital attendants to take the body away.

As soon as it seemed appropriate, the other man asked if he could be moved next to the window. The nurse was happy to make the switch, and after making sure he was comfortable, she left him alone. Slowly, painfully, he propped himself up on one elbow to take his first look at the real world outside.  He strained to slowly turn to look out the window besides the bed.

It faced a blank wall.  The man asked the nurse what could have compelled his deceased roommate who had described such wonderful things outside this window.  The nurse responded that the man was blind and could not even see the wall.

She said, 'Perhaps he just wanted to encourage you.'

Epilogue:
There is tremendous happiness in making others happy, despite our own situations. Shared grief is half the sorrow, but happiness when shared, is doubled. If you want to feel rich, just count all the things you have that money can't buy. I thought this was wonderful and many would enjoy it.
'Today is a gift, that is why it is called The Present .'
The origin of this letter is unknown.




Charles Swindoll “Attitude”
The longer I live, the more I realize the impact of attitude on life.
Attitude, to me, is more important than facts. It is more important than the past, than education, than money, than circumstances, than failures, than successes, than what other people think or say or do. It is more important than appearance, giftedness, or skill. It will make or break a company ... a church ... a home.
The remarkable thing is we have a choice every day regarding the attitude we will embrace for that day. We cannot change our past. We cannot change the fact that people will act in a certain way. We cannot change the inevitable.
The only thing we can do is play on the one string we have, and that is our attitude ... I am convinced that life is 10% what happens to me, and 90% how I react to it. And so it is with you ... we are in charge of our Attitudes.

Motivating……..

Yesterday after a doctor’s appointment I stopped by the book store and purchased Liar by Justine Larbalestier. I purchased this particular book for Read This Book a Facebook book club. And by the time I got home I realized that I have one too many irons (or I should say books) in the fire.  I currently belong to another book club with a few friend and we are reading The Shack. I’m just about 3/4 of the way thru.
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I am also reading The Blind Side. I learned of Michael Oher thru an ESPN human interest story and I am so excited to finish this book before I see the movie. The maroon colored book on the right is my new diary. But it’s not a typical diary…it’s not meant for recording your thoughts. It was designed to help you remember important dates. So it a perpetual diary in which you can record things like births, deaths, weddings, and other significant events in your life. And last but not least my new Kindle! I am so in love with my Kindle. I am currently 1/2 way thru a book called 29 Gifts.  But in addition to being able to read books you can also subscribe to magazines, surf the web, play mp3 or podcasts, and so on! It’s an amazing little piece of technology.
Now instead of reading or playing on the computer I should be cleaning. They are coming to pack up our house in about 3-4 weeks and I need to attack some closets!!  It’s amazing how much stuff you can accumulate in no time. I did a big purge while we were in Oklahoma, which was just 2 years ago. But now, once again, I seem to have too much stuff.  It also still very sad that my fuzzy baby, Ginger, won’t be returning with me. I do have her ashes and plan to scatter them somewhere in Oklahoma. After all, she is just a good ol’ fashioned Okie having been born in Shawnee. Man, I miss her!
I know I need to find that excitement about moving. I’ve never dreaded moving, I’ve always been up for the adventure. But this move just seems to be such a challenge for me. I think a lot of it is this constant dreary rain that we are having and part of it is that I’m not really moving…..I am just going to be floating for the year. So I really need to find my gypsy spirit and get things done around here so I can travel worry free next year. I need to remind myself what excites me about the whole trip and start focusing on that. And I need to go attacks those closets!!!

Monday, November 9, 2009

Wondering………

So today I went to the neurologist, she is increasing a couple of my meds because of the increase in my pain recently. I had finally made peace with the fact that I would ask for some sleeping medication so I wouldn’t spend most of the night laying away in bed and rocking back and forth. She thought that it would be more prudent to increase my dosage of melatonin to see if that increases the quality and duration of my sleep. We have also increased my antidepressant and my muscle relaxer. The hope is that if we can get my body back into a better state of being then it will also benefit my sleep as well. So I am willing to try it!! We shall see how it goes.
As of right now, my back and my ear are still currently in pain and now my neck decided it would join the party as well. Sooooooo just another ache to add along with all the rest.
If it weren’t for some of new friends I’ve recently  had the pleasure of meeting I could easily find myself getting cynical or even disillusioned.  Luckily, I am blessed with a plethora of good friends that are willing to be my strength when I need them.  I’ve found myself hurt by callus, misguided people and considering my current state of mind it could be really bruising for me. However, I am going to take the next couple of days and give myself permission to do whatever I choose. I will have 3 PJ days in a row, spend all day watching Lifetime Movie Network,  reading books, playing on the internet, taking long baths, just generally refocusing my energy on finding my center, my peace and my happiness again. I know that I am currently lumping everything together and I need to remind myself again of all the things that I love about life.  I am very loved and very blessed and will move forward out of this current pain ravaged, hurt filled funk that I am currently in.  I know that I can find the sunshine in this bleak, dark moment.  If I can’t, could a few of you send me a flashlight?? :)

Thursday, November 5, 2009

Battling Depression

Depression can be a wicked cruel master. It can be a fleeting moment in time or it can stick with you for a lifetime. I didn't truly become acquainted with it until the past 5 years or so of my life. Having my body betray me has shown me a much darker side of life that I never really knew existed. But I have learned much about my companion, Depression. I have learned that the nerve damage in both of my ears makes me a prime candidate for his ill gotten gains. Having multiple system issues within my body also wears me down and gives that bugger an edge on me that is not at all fair. I know that staying busy and active can keep him at bay for a little while, but only for a short while. I have learned that Depression brings physical change in ones chemical composition. I have learned that simply putting a smile on my face does not change those chemicals. It’s more complicated and affects more areas of my life that I would ever care to admit.  The symptoms of depression are more widespread than I ever imagined. He’s a crooked little man just waiting to slide into every nook and cranny you have.

I, however, will continue to fight his advances. I will retaliate with every ounce of being that I have. How can I sit idly by and let this creature get the best of me? I refuse to lose my resolve while under his spell, even though whiles of his evils has already seduced me. For those that have never met depression, there is nothing I can explain to make you understand his wickedness. For my friends that are intimately acquainted with him please know that I am in your corner battling along with you.

Don’t get me wrong, I don’t live my life in a miserable state of mind. I am not sitting and waiting for doom and gloom to come lay their gnarly little hands on me. I go on dates with my adoring husband, create things so that this lil devil may not have access to my hands, read in order to occupy my brain from the dreary thoughts that he likes to weave into my day. Most importantly, I try to heal myself through the power of others, with their love for me, with my ability to make them smile, with hopes that I can touch them and bring a moment of peace into their lives.  And there are those in my life that do the same for me.


Brendon. Even though I gave birth to him, he has taught me so much about my own life. Taught me how to love fully and completely.  He showed me the world through new eyes, the big beautiful brown eyes of a child amazed by his world, eyes that were never afraid to seek their own path.

Tammy. My sister who calls daily to check in on her lil sis. She asks that overused question, “How are you?” But she genuinely wants to know the answer. She would be willing to feel my pains with me if it were possible. Actually, I think she did when she helped the nurse remove my bandages after brain surgery.

Robyn. My soul sister, to whom I will be eternally bound. The ups and downs of my life are experienced in parallel to your own ups and downs. You completely understand me and there are no words that can convey what I am trying to say. Thankfully, I don’t need words with you because you know.

Adrienne. The longest, deepest, most devoted friendship I’ve had.  You have this amazing way of lifting me. For me you embody the saying “Friends are angels that lift us to our feet when our wings have trouble remembering how to fly.” You’ve always had that ability to give me just what I need, just when I need it. Never stop being you.

Terry. My beacon of hope and light. You always have just the right words for me when I seem to be floundering. There is not a doubt in my mind that God speaks to me thru you. Even when you may not even know that I’m floundering that’s when you’ll call, write or a box will show itself at my door. You always remind me of my blessings.

Mary. Your zest for life and excitement for having me as your extended “Momma” reminds me that life is to be lived out LOUD! Sing to the music, dance to the beat, embrace the beauty of all that is around you. Just the thought of you brings a smile to my face.

Pixie. Oh, I’ve missed you. You share my angst and I see myself from years ago in you. You have this amazing spirit that leads to me to seek the creative side of life. You always manage to remind me that even a wandering spirit needs it’s center and you help me find that center.

Katie. My happy, cheerful, smiling, perky friend. You remind my soul that it should never give up. That any summit can be reached by continuing to climb and staying true to one’s spirit. You’ve taught me so much about helping myself when giving to help others.

There are so many others who have touched my life in so many ways. Some friends from my past have come back around to bless me again. Kimberly for reminding me that Faith is the greatest asset one can possess. Teresa who shows me continually that love can conquer all things.
 

So the moral of this story is that we should do all that we can do to treat each other with love and kindness because you never know when you’re leaving an imprint on someone’s heart.

Battling Depression

Depression can be a wicked cruel master. It can be a fleeting moment in time or it can stick with you for a lifetime. I didn't truly become acquainted with it until the past 5 years or so of my life. Having my body betray me has shown me a much darker side of life that I never really knew existed. But I have learned much about my companion, Depression. I have learned that the nerve damage in both of my ears makes me a prime candidate for his ill gotten gains. Having multiple system issues within my body also wears me down and gives that bugger an edge on me that is not at all fair. I know that staying busy and active can keep him at bay for a little while, but only for a short while. I have learned that Depression brings physical change in ones chemical composition. I have learned that simply putting a smile on my face does not change those chemicals. It’s more complicated and affects more areas of my life that I would ever care to admit.  The symptoms of depression are more widespread than I ever imagined. He’s a crooked little man just waiting to slide into every nook and cranny you have.

I, however, will continue to fight his advances. I will retaliate with every ounce of being that I have. How can I sit idly by and let this creature get the best of me? I refuse to lose my resolve while under his spell, even though whiles of his evils has already seduced me. For those that have never met depression, there is nothing I can explain to make you understand his wickedness. For my friends that are intimately acquainted with him please know that I am in your corner battling along with you.

Don’t get me wrong, I don’t live my life in a miserable state of mind. I am not sitting and waiting for doom and gloom to come lay their gnarly little hands on me. I go on dates with my adoring husband, create things so that this lil devil may not have access to my hands, read in order to occupy my brain from the dreary thoughts that he likes to weave into my day. Most importantly, I try to heal myself through the power of others, with their love for me, with my ability to make them smile, with hopes that I can touch them and bring a moment of peace into their lives.  And there are those in my life that do the same for me.


Brendon. Even though I gave birth to him, he has taught me so much about my own life. Taught me how to love fully and completely.  He showed me the world through new eyes, the big beautiful brown eyes of a child amazed by his world, eyes that were never afraid to seek their own path.

Tammy. My sister who calls daily to check in on her lil sis. She asks that overused question, “How are you?” But she genuinely wants to know the answer. She would be willing to feel my pains with me if it were possible. Actually, I think she did when she helped the nurse remove my bandages after brain surgery.

Robyn. My soul sister, to whom I will be eternally bound. The ups and downs of my life are experienced in parallel to your own ups and downs. You completely understand me and there are no words that can convey what I am trying to say. Thankfully, I don’t need words with you because you know.

Adrienne. The longest, deepest, most devoted friendship I’ve had.  You have this amazing way of lifting me. For me you embody the saying “Friends are angels that lift us to our feet when our wings have trouble remembering how to fly.” You’ve always had that ability to give me just what I need, just when I need it. Never stop being you.

Terry. My beacon of hope and light. You always have just the right words for me when I seem to be floundering. There is not a doubt in my mind that God speaks to me thru you. Even when you may not even know that I’m floundering that’s when you’ll call, write or a box will show itself at my door. You always remind me of my blessings.

Mary. Your zest for life and excitement for having me as your extended “Momma” reminds me that life is to be lived out LOUD! Sing to the music, dance to the beat, embrace the beauty of all that is around you. Just the thought of you brings a smile to my face.

Pixie. Oh, I’ve missed you. You share my angst and I see myself from years ago in you. You have this amazing spirit that leads to me to seek the creative side of life. You always manage to remind me that even a wandering spirit needs it’s center and you help me find that center.

Katie. My happy, cheerful, smiling, perky friend. You remind my soul that it should never give up. That any summit can be reached by continuing to climb and staying true to one’s spirit. You’ve taught me so much about helping myself when giving to help others.

There are so many others who have touched my life in so many ways. Some friends from my past have come back around to bless me again. Kimberly for reminding me that Faith is the greatest asset one can possess. Teresa who shows me continually that love can conquer all things.
 

So the moral of this story is that we should do all that we can do to treat each other with love and kindness because you never know when you’re leaving an imprint on someone’s heart.

Tuesday, November 3, 2009

Crying for Ginger

The weather today matches my disposition. It's grey, dreary, and wet. I usually am not a fan of such weather but today I am finding comfort in the gloominess and sogginess. It's feels like I am not alone that God and the world is sharing my misery with me.



I spent this morning running errands like going to the bank, picking up contacts, taking my laptop into the shop, etc. My laptop's motherboard has died. Therefore, it's time to buy a new one. UGH! But at least they were able to turn my hard drive into an external drive so I am easily able to recover and information saved on there.



I was pleasantly surprised that this was only $30.00 for the hard drive case and they installed it for free. Considering I am going to be spending some cash on a new computer I was grateful that this didn't cost much at all.

This afternoon we are going to pick up Ginger's ashes. I can't bear the thought of leaving her in Washington. She's a good old fashioned Okie and deserves to go back home. We also found out that our vets office made a donation to the local humane society in Ginger's honor. I was so touched that they had done that for us and for her. It was nice to know that they were also touched by our sweet Ginger's kind spirit and welcoming heart. I decided that we needed to do something to thank them since Ginger received excellent care from them. So I purchased a basket of Seattle goodies, a thank you card and included a photo of Ginger.



It's still so hard to believe she's gone. We still expect to here the jingle of her tags when we come home or to hear that snort when she sighs. But she's no longer physically here with us. But she will always be in our hearts and she will always be part of us. We were truly blessed to have known her. Ask anyone that's ever met her and they will tell you what a sweet, loving dog she was. Even though losing her has been so difficult, I am so glad that she has been a part of our lives. She was always there for me when I was having a rough day. She's always had a smile for me when I was down about my health not being what it should be. She knew just when to come over to me to say hello. She taught me alot about unconditional love, just being a happy presence when someone needs a little lift. Thank you Ginger for every wet sloppy kiss, the wag of that fluffy tail, that paw that would try to grip onto to you as if to say "don't let me go", those dark brown eyes that expected nothing more than a pat on the head. Thank you for sharing your heart with us it's been one of the sweetest things I've ever known. As I am writing this the sun is peeking through the clouds and I know she can still feel the love we have for her.


Sunday, November 1, 2009

Back to Washington

Friday night we drove back to Denver in order to catch an early flight back to Seattle. We were traveling at the right time and had an amazing sunset to keep us company.
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I must have stopped half a dozen times to take pictures.  But as you can see it was well worth it.
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The colors in the sky were absolutely breathtaking and photos don’t nearly do it justice. It was really nice to be reminded of the beauty that God created!
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The crystal blue skies, the snow capped mountains, the cloud tinted pink….it made for an incredible drive!
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I am so glad I was able to go to Colorado to visit Lucille and enjoy this amazing scenery. Not to mention spending time with her. I so adore her. She’s one of the kindest souls I have ever had the pleasure of meeting.
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This truly is one of the most beautiful spots in the United States. I am grateful to be able to go spend time here.
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Then on the flight home after giving myself a shot for a migraine, I was reminded that where I currently live isn’t such a bad looking place either. Now, don’t get me wrong…I still find it waaaaayy to liberal for my personal preference but it has it’s pretty spots too.
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Mount Ranier as seen from my seat on the plane. Not a bad picture for being shot through a plane window.
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Downtown Seattle. This picture is a bit hazy but still I can’t complain because it was taken from the plane.
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I love, love, love how this photo came out with Mt. Ranier in the background. It’s good to be home but sad because my fuzzy child wasn’t here waiting for us. But it was great to get out and clear my head.