Monday, November 9, 2009


So today I went to the neurologist, she is increasing a couple of my meds because of the increase in my pain recently. I had finally made peace with the fact that I would ask for some sleeping medication so I wouldn’t spend most of the night laying away in bed and rocking back and forth. She thought that it would be more prudent to increase my dosage of melatonin to see if that increases the quality and duration of my sleep. We have also increased my antidepressant and my muscle relaxer. The hope is that if we can get my body back into a better state of being then it will also benefit my sleep as well. So I am willing to try it!! We shall see how it goes.
As of right now, my back and my ear are still currently in pain and now my neck decided it would join the party as well. Sooooooo just another ache to add along with all the rest.
If it weren’t for some of new friends I’ve recently  had the pleasure of meeting I could easily find myself getting cynical or even disillusioned.  Luckily, I am blessed with a plethora of good friends that are willing to be my strength when I need them.  I’ve found myself hurt by callus, misguided people and considering my current state of mind it could be really bruising for me. However, I am going to take the next couple of days and give myself permission to do whatever I choose. I will have 3 PJ days in a row, spend all day watching Lifetime Movie Network,  reading books, playing on the internet, taking long baths, just generally refocusing my energy on finding my center, my peace and my happiness again. I know that I am currently lumping everything together and I need to remind myself again of all the things that I love about life.  I am very loved and very blessed and will move forward out of this current pain ravaged, hurt filled funk that I am currently in.  I know that I can find the sunshine in this bleak, dark moment.  If I can’t, could a few of you send me a flashlight?? :)