Wednesday, February 16, 2011

Joy in the Rain

Yesterday, found me in bed exhausted, in pain brutalized by illness, in a fog tousled by life.  Finally Arnold was home from work and even though he was thousands of miles away from me his voice comforted my soul.  I wanted him next to me, touching me to make me feel better.  However, he could not be here; instead his words became his hands.  His voice caressed me and helped alleviate my pain.  We each lay in the dark in our separate beds half a world apart, our computers connecting the two of us.  His voice my only connection to him, his slight accent lilting melodically in my ears. I focused on his words, the tone of his voice, the love behind his words.  I began methodically relaxing all the muscles in my body while he continued to spin tales of our future together.  Even though he only had a few hours in which to find some sleep before returning to work; he lovingly covered me in words for hours.

In those peaceful hours we spent together, we managed to plan a few details of our upcoming vacation where we would finally have the opportunity to be in each others arms.  We softly talked of the sweet blessings of getting to know each other intimately, like what his hand feels like when his fingers are interlaced with mine, what his lips would feel like pressed against mine, what he smells like after a shower, what his eyes look like when they are inches from mine.   We shared our hopes, our future, our families.  Once again we both found ourselves amazed at how similar our dreams for life and happiness are.  Valuing the same things in life leaves us open to being able to explore the details of how to please each other.  I have never had the pleasure of being able to so easily express my feelings to someone.  His belief in simplicity reminds me to let go of the daily frustrations in living with a chronic illness.  He loves me for the whole person that I am, including my son, my extra kids, my warped sense of humor, my quirky taste in art, my illness, my poetry, my twisted fascination with  Lady Gaga, my outspoken nature and my passion for living life to the fullest.  I love him for his amazing smile, his accepting heart, his beautiful daughters, his funny faces, his belief that there is either acceptance or rejection, his "a door bell" nose, his infectious laughter, his beautiful voice when he talks or sings to me, his ability to unforgivingly stay true to himself, for his accepting me as nothing more or less than myself and for requiring nothing more of me than my smile.

Life is beautiful, love is amazing, truth is freedom, honesty is a blessing, my heart is his and his heart is mine. I will thank God everyday for the rest of my life for bringing him into my life. I cannot imagine how dark life would be if I had never known his love. I am blessed.