Wednesday, February 9, 2011


I've been debating where to start this post.  What do I, the blog author, have to tell you, the blog reader? While mentally debating this question with myself, I found myself crying while sending a message to the new man in my life.  As I wiped the tears from my eyes, I realized that this would be the perfect opportunity to share the beauty of my life.  This journey may not always be this sweet and this beautiful; but it is always this real and this honest. What follows is the message I sent to Arnold. It's difficult because he is half a world away and I miss him terribly even though we have never had the pleasure of being in each other's presence.   My heart aches to be near him and someday I will be lucky enough to have that chance, until then I will remain hopeful.

Love, at first I was a little sad because you didn't skype me like you said you would. But I have been talking to Dani and Mary all evening on skype. They had a bit of an issue today and each of them turned to me for advice/guidance. I'm listening to them talk about each other and what they are feeling makes me so happy. They are in that place where they don't yet know how to be completely honest with each other without fear of hurting the other one's feelings. I'm explaining to them that the important part is just being honest with themselves so that they can be honest with each other. It's making me realize all over again how much I love you. I am not sure if you will ever truly understand the difference you have made in my life. You have truly opened my eyes to the real beauty in life. That acceptance is the greatest gift we can give each other and ourselves. There are no guarantees in life. There is no promise that we will live to see tomorrow. But I could accept dying tomorrow. What I can no longer accept would be living to be very old and never knowing hope, never knowing something this real, never knowing what it feels like to mean so much to someone else. You've given me so much happiness. You have shown me so much love. You have opened my heart to the simplicity of acceptance. Thank you for being such a blessing to me. Thank you for sharing all of your heart with me. Thank you for being so beautiful! I adore you and I know that our life together will be amazing.

I LOVE YOU with all of my heart and soul. Thank you for always reminding me to take my meds and to pray. Thank you for being willing to share your tears, your love, your faith and your prayers with me. I will always cherish them.