Sidelined by Sciatica on Sunday

Today finds me in bed, having personal stretching sessions and alternating between ice packs and heating pads.  I am not sure of the culprit that instigated this latest round of sciatic nerve pain but I am sure that it's not an easy or quick fix.  If you are not familiar with the sciatic nerve or the pain it can cause let me take a moment to introduce you. More than like at some point in your life your sciatic nerve will let you know exactly where it's located.  Your sciatic nerve comes from the bottom of your spinal canal through your pelvic bone, under your piraformus muscle and down each leg.  If it becomes inflamed it can cause very undesirable pain all the way from the top of your buttocks down to your big toe. Thank Sciatic Nerve for reminding me of your existence.

 
Since I am sidelined today and attached to either an ice pack or heating pad, I find myself wandering all over this amazing web we call the internet.  I have rediscovered a great Chiari support group, played Zynga poker on Facebook, chatted on skype, answered email and been having a 'Cake Boss' marathon on Netflix. Thankfully, I am great friends with pain so this is not a new position to be in.  Luckily, I am struggling with boredom and not fighting with emotions.  Since I have also taken muscle relaxers and pain killers, my brain is not fully functional.  It wants to be entertained and can't be bothered with trying to be productive.  The good news is that I am struggling with this now instead of 2 weeks from now when I am scheduled to be traveling to the Philippines.

I have never had a neurologist confirm that sciatica is a symptom of Chiari but I know I am not the only Chiarian that suffers from this dreaded nerve problem.  You can't convince me that if the flow of cerebrospinal fluid is disrupted or decreased that it will not cause other difficulties with the spinal cord or nervous system.  But I am not a doctor, I am just a simple girl with a complicated

condition.  Chiarians are notorious for having multiple problems.  I don't know of a single Chiarian that has just Chiari.  I don't know of any of us that don't have symptoms that seemingly defy explanation.  When one is given a diagnoses of Arnold Chiari Malformation, type 1, they should also issue a strong sense of patience as well. This condition is elusive at best.  It's complicated and difficult to manage.  A Chiarian must become an open book when it comes to health issues. We must have possess a strong sense of humor and a quick wit to deal with all the complications that are sure to follow our diagnosis. For all my fellow Chiarians, I admire you!  As soon as I can get out of this bed, I will start dancing! :)

Valentine’s Day

Valentine's Day is said to be for lovers. However, Arnold and I are of the opinion that if we can't show our love and devotion for each other the other 364 days out of the year, then doing something 'symbolic' on this day won't change anything.  Since we are so very far apart from each other we didn't send packages to each other because neither of us has a desire to pay for postage. I really don't care for cut flowers. Watching them wither, since they have been intentionally cut from the stem where Mother Nature intends them to flourish, does not sound like a pleasant activity to me. So I wouldn't want him to waste his money just to make me sad. We did tell each other Happy Valentine's Day, but other than that it was just one more day of separation to check off on the calendar.

Lately, I really have been struggling with panic attacks that strike just as I am falling asleep.   As soon as my body and mind begin to drift off I am struck with this overwhelming need to jump up and run. Run to where? Anywhere, nowhere, out of my own body. Truthfully, that's not really a possibility. So I just do what I can to calm myself. Last night I was not surprised by the panic attack that hit; because during the day I was struggling with my heart rate being way to high at 108.  Typically, there is this domino effect that happens with my health.  I have spent years trying to ignore my symptoms, to just get on with my life in spite of the fact that I suffer with symptoms. So usually by the time I pay attention to the fact that I am having symptoms it’s too late and the first domino has fallen. At some point later I end up struggling with a migraine, a panic attack, extreme fatigue or other symptoms which could leave in bed for a day or so. Yesterday was no exception, I was just too silly to see the warning signs. Luckily I can skype with Arnold anytime he is home.  I am so blessed that he understands. Sometimes when I am having a panic attack just seeing his face and talking with him will help settle me down.  He, usually, wakes up almost instinctively when I need him.

Last night, while explaining my panic attack to him I decided to check the status of his Visa  petition online.  In the flash of a second my tears shift from panic and confusion to sheer delight. I notice that his status has changed. We are no longer under “initial review.” We have now moved to “post decision activity.” The following words are the best Valentine’s gift I could have ever hoped for, “On February 14, 2012, we mailed you a notice that we have approved this I129F PETITION FOR FIANCE. Please follow any instructions on the notice.”   Yes!!!! Finally!! Five months and one day after the government received our petition they have approved that there is enough documentation to support our love story.  Next step, the file will be sent to the National Visa Center for Arnold’s background check.  That is a very short process only taking a few days.  Then the package will be sent to the consulate in Qatar to schedule Arnold’s interview. Once the interview has taken place and everything has been approved Arnold given his visa to join me here in America!!! 

Thoughts that visit in the middle of the night.

I won't always share my most intimate thoughts about our relationship so openly as I respect relationship and privacy. However, today on his birthday, I wanted to share this message I sent to him the other night about how amazing he is. So without further ado:

Love, It came crashing down on me this evening as I listen to every breath you take while sleeping. All the reasons I need you in my life became crystal clear. It is all so very simple. You make it simple.

You are the warmth in my sunshine,
You are the stars in my night sky,
You are the rhythm in my heart,
You are the release in my sigh.

You are the smile in my morning,
You are the comfort in my fear,
You are the air in my breath,
You are the melody in my ear.

You are the joy in my world,
You are the strength in my sorrow,
You are the hand in my hand,
You are the hope in my tomorrow.

You are the beauty in my meadow,
You are the serenity in my strife,
You are the home in my journey,
You are the simplicity in my life.

You are the innocence in my prayer,
You are the delight in my scheme,
You are the reason in my being,
You are the faith in my dream.

It's easy because of you, bebi. It's good because of you. You're gentle and kind. You're unassuming and easy. You make it uncomplicated. You make it right. You remind me of what I need to hear, of what I need to see, and of what I need to be without ever saying a word. You know how to make me a better person without changing who I am. You lead me by your presence more than your words. You remind me of all the reasons I battle with my health to life fully and freely. You do so much more for me by just being you. You keep things light and calm when so many things in my being are difficult and confused. Never stop being you. Never let my challenges bring you down. You do a great job at being with me, at being there for me, at being what I need. Thank you for letting me happen to you. 

I can only hope that the rest of his world sees him in the manner in which I see him. Arnold is simply the most amazing man I have had the pleasure of knowing. He is the best friend I could ever hope to have and I get the joy of spending the rest of my life with him. I look forward to sharing my world with him and learning more about his world. He is exactly what I need to help me cope with a lifetime of illness and pain. He reminds of every reason to smile when I only feel like crying. I am so blessed that God brought him into my life. 

Mobile blogging.

I got a new phone yesterday, a Samsung Galaxy S2 Skyrocket. Since it has a blog app I am going to take this opportunity to encourage myself to blog more! My phone has a great camera on it so I have no excuse. I can take pics and blog away. I am looking forward to revitalizing the blog!

Me and my crazy ideas.

So I found this skirt online and was totally enamored with it. It's a multi-colored, tiered, circle skirt. I think its adorable. So I decided I need to make one for myself. I know how to sew and even have two sewing machines so this is a project that I know I can tackle! I also have a fairly large stash of fabric so I immediately started digging for the fabrics I hoped to use in the project. I love the colors of the skirt in the picture but I decided I wanted to go with truer rainbow colors.

Step one: Picking/Purchasing the fabrics for this project.

Step two: Determining how many 5.5" squares of each color I need

Step three: Cutting all those 5.5" squares. I started with 64 red squares. I ended with 480 purple squares! What was I thinking!!

Step four: Sew those squares together side by side.

Step five: Marvel at the length 480 squares sewn together!!

Step six: Run a gathering stitch along one side of the long rows of each color.

Step seven: Baste the now gathered color to the bottom of the previous color.

Step eight: Machine sew what you just basted.

Step nine: Repeat, Repeat, Repeat.

Of course, each row gets exponentially harder.  I am currently only on the yellow  row and it was quite a task making sure the gathers are centered so that I have an even flow of ruffles all the way around the skirt. I am anxious to see the finished product and will share pictures as soon as it is completed.