Thursday, April 15, 2010

Ugly side of pain…….

Dark thoughts, pit of despair
Feeling lonely, nothing to share
Frustrations abound, stifling my air


Because I never allow it to show
how could anyone ever truly know
Intense pain’s low brutal blow 


I’d love to find  the hidden treasure
the joy of never needing to measure
the beauty of my pain-free pleasure


The challenges deep within my being
leave my bruised, battered soul fleeing
searching for health’s elusive freeing


My anguish displayed center stage
a massive captive in a tiny cage
too constricting for consuming rage


Monumental challenges abound
darkness sways and swirls around
enveloping angst makes no sound


Spirits don’t glow in darkness deep
from me passionate convictions seep
torment chokes, emotions weep

This poem is inspired by a screaming earache.  It’s definitely an 11 on a scale from 1 to 10.  I have taken vicodin and a toradol shot and I am beginning to feel nothing except my earache.  I am currently even wearing an earplug just because sometimes having a plug in causes a different sensation.  Thus making the pain seem less intense.  I will explain that I have been to a neurorhinotolaryngologist (neurologic ear, nose and throat doc).  I was completely tested and I have definite nerve damage in my ears. Luckily, it does not affect my hearing but it does cause pain, typically, daily.  Today is by far the worst day for ear pain that I have experienced to date.
I am not explaining this in hopes of soliciting sympathy.  I am merely defining the origin of the bleakness in this poem.
I certainly hope today finds my friends, loved ones, blog sisters, and sickmates (like cellmates only our only sentence is a diagnosis) healthy, happy and pain free. No humor, quote, or question…..can’t think in that direction at this moment.