Monday, June 24, 2013

Chronic Chiari, Dealing with People

Lately, people have been really strange.  I've had a couple of people in my life say and do some really hurtful things.  For the most part I blow these things off because typically it's their own fears that cause such things.  The thing that really confused me is that they act like their hurtful behavior should have no consequences or bearing on our friendship.  Whenever you say or do things that hurt me, I have to ask myself if our friendship is so valuable that I can overlook the behavior.  I understand that sometimes everyone has a bad day and that their tongue may get a bit sharp because of it.  But if you are truly my friend then you can find it in your heart to admit your mistake.  If our friendship is fairly superficial then it's in my best interest to put a little distance between us.  You see, we accept the behavior we feel we deserve.  We teach those around us which behaviors we are willing to tolerate by sticking around for more.  For me, I have enough pain with my body and my health to accept more pain from so called friends. 

I realize that the best thing I can do to maintain my health and manage my pain is to keep my life as stress free as possible.  Therefore, people who do nothing but add stress to my life aren't truly my friends.   My real friends understand that pain management and mental health go hand in hand.  Stress is a big contributor to my nighttime panic attacks, as well.   Those that don't understand that staying happy and stress free is important in my life cannot possibly be my friends.  I know this may sound harsh but I can't be worried about all of my problems and other people's insecurities too.  My life is too full of too many health problems for that.

 So the question is, "Do I feel like a bitch for putting my health before my friendships?"  The answer is no, I don't.  Simply because I have plenty of friends who understand my situation and they wouldn't dream of causing me such difficulties over trivial things.  When we have difficulties or problems we talk about them.  We talk thru them.  Sometimes just understanding each other's point of view can go a long way to ease difficulties.  We can even agree to disagree.  Most importantly how I treat  myself by determining how I will allow others to treat me helps me establish my own self worth.   I am worthy of friends who understand my health condition and still love me anyway.   My condition is simply part of my life; it dictates how I get through my day to day activities.  Remaining peaceful and happy is crucial to my well being.  Therefore, those people that cannot adhere to my philosophy don't get the honor of being involved in my personal life.  For the most part, my family and friends do a great job of helping me get through.  For the few that choose to create chaos in my life, I sincerely hope that they can find their own peace in life.  Obviously, they have some deep seated discomfort with something in their life since they are choosing to make life difficult for others. 

We need to remember that our goal in life is to learn how to to treat each other and how to treat ourselves.  It's only then that we can finally see the true beauty in life which is love.   True love for others can only come after you have discovered true love for self.  After all, how you treat yourself is a direct reflection of how you treat others.  Our life is a gift and by choosing not to respect that gift we are effectively saying that we do not value the gift.  I value myself enough to realize that chaos is not conducive to remaining healthy.  I value you enough not to complicate your life with a sick person while you have obvious issues with something.  Life is a beautiful amazing thing, it's too short to be miserable over other people's behavior.  It's not selfish or conceited to put yourself first; it's learning to care for the thing most valued to you. 

So I leave you with this.  If your life were as simple as Facebook, who would you delete from your feed for bringing too much chaos and negativity?  If you are the problem then you need to find a new attitude, one better suited for a long life full of happiness.  If your friends are to blame then they are obsiously not friends, they are more like enemies.  It's time to clean up your friend's list.  Start by looking in the mirror.