Wednesday, February 12, 2014

Men Wage War, What Do Women Do?

Welcome to Shalunya and Boyet. Please forgive me for today I am on my soap box. This is something I need to get off my chest and somebody, anybody, just one person needs to hear this. Why do we tear each other down? Especially us women? Why, ladies; why do we do this to each other? 

Recently I read a post from Drea where she talks about women selling herself short and being willing to settle for second. If you can settle for being second best for someone else; then, obviously being second, third or even last to yourself is acceptable. We are willing to sacrifice ourselves for the sake of someone else, usually a man. We compromise our values and willingly allow him to control too much of our own needs. Women in happy, well balanced relationships I'm not talking to you. I'm talking to your friend because we all know someone who is willing to become a doormat for the sake of 'love'. That's not love and besides we can never know true love until we practice self love. If you really love a man you will give him a woman in charge of her own self with which he stand together and build a true future on a stable foundation. Ladies, strong foundations are build brick by brick together, not by being the firm surface underneath his feet. I've been there so I know and I understand. It's time we stand up, dust ourselves off and focus on becoming our best self!

Now, I hear you mothers out there beginning to grumble about the kids. I know, I'm a mother and I understand children need our guidance which doesn't leave much time for ourselves. How about the greatest gift we can give a child is to take care of his/her mother. After all, that person is the most important person in their world. How better can we show our children how balance work and play than to set the example of taking great care of ourselves? Your future grandkids are counting on you to give them parents that understand that part of balance includes making time to care for and to pamper ourselves. It's not being selfish. It's taking care of our children's future; after all, we want to be around for a long time for them.

Women, how about we stop with the she's too fat, she's too skinny, what was she thinking with her hair, she looks awful in that, did she look in the mirror, she's a hot mess. You think you don't participate in that behavior? Think Miley Cyrus at the VMAs. Most of us had something to say about that. Whether or not it's appropriate for us doesn't make it right for us to impart our standards upon her. We should embrace her bravado and her drive to make a name for herself. After all, we are still talking about it and saying her name. 

Why did we did we question Sarah Palin's parenting skills? That has nothing to do with her political record or policy stance. Why do we care what Oprah weighs? We celebrate Robin Roberts' battle with cancer but we deliberately poke fun at Oprah's struggle with her size. Oprah's weight has nothing to do with her capability of conducting a good interview. I could keep this up for days on end. The list is endless with the way we discuss public figures. 

We use terms like slut shaming to define the act of degrading a woman in charge of her sexuality. Apparently now there is even fat shaming as we are now overly critical of Rachel Frederickson, the woman who lost big weight on the Biggest Loser. We are now calling her too skinny. Why can't we just see her as a woman to fought really hard to achieve something she desired.  

We can find inspiration in people overcoming challenges to lift themselves up to a better place, people like Lizzie Velasquez, and Talia Joy. We can find the beauty in Alexandre Bilodeau the member of the Canadian Olympic team; he is so inspired by his brother with cerebral palsy that he brings him to the podium as he celebrates his medal. We can clearly see the drive within their soul that brings forth a beauty so deep and broad that its undeniable. 

Why aren't we looking for that beauty everywhere? Why aren't we looking for that beauty within each and every one of us. The human spirit is indomitable. We are capable of overcoming great obstacles. We fight the voice that's within us to give up.  We can fight our way through and overcome. Each of us has that spirit within us. So why do we spend time tearing down the people based upon their appearance. Why are we comfortable talking about a woman's bust size, dress size or even shoe size. That says nothing about who she is. Why do we watch shows that are dedicated to picking apart a woman's fashion or makeup choices? Why do magazines host things like who wears it better or best and worst dressed. 

Ladies, let me tell you why. This is what we do. This is how we act. Men wage war against each other but we tear each other down on a daily basis. We judge women. We need to stop tearing each other down and start building each other up. Once a day, I encourage you find something positive about yourself and say it as you look in the mirror. Once a day, I encourage you find something positive about another woman you don't know that well and to tell her.

In an effort to do more to inspire women I will be hosting guest bloggers within the next few weeks. I will be making those posts on Thursday and calling it True Beauty Thursday. So stay tuned to see what True Beauty looks like and sounds like. If you would like to add your voice to Redefining True Beauty please email me at

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